It rained the entire month of May, my hormones were whacked out, and like a lot of people I was drowning in pollen. I like to think that these are legitimate reasons for feeling blue. The reality is, whether it’s raining sheets of pollen or not, I find myself stuck under this umbrella mood way too often. I can see the beauty that is my life, the abundance that surrounds me every day. Yet despite all that – and this is embarrassing to admit – I often feel alone.
You see, without children of my own I’m hyper aware that nothing orbits around me.
My husband, my sisters, my friends – they’ve listened with tremendous compassion, patience and wisdom. But even they are tired of hearing the same old story. My best friend – willowy southern blond who can go from Hi y’all casualness to raising her voice and gesticulating wildly when annoyed, said this to me:
“You know the problem and you make the solution complicated. You always want it to be only a certain way or only big. It’s not complicated. Here’s the problem: You want a flurry of activity, a dynamic organism, something orbiting around you. What you are describing is energy. Energy equals life. Here’s the solution. There are three ways to get life: plants, animals or people. That’s it - choose one. Choosing something is big, doing nothing makes you small. You know all this and being the way you’re being is just lame!”
Dang. Really? That shook me up. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear at the time, but I’m glad I have friends who will actually say stuff like that to me.
There are some problems in life you can’t solve in one step, and certainly not in one blog post. But as I type this right now on this very hot day in June, I have the most gorgeous basset hound puppy sleeping at my feet. This live little creative stirs my heart and helps me feel the beauty in orbit around me.
Down with the umbrella. Let the whole world spin.