2015 – Day 1. On New Year's Eve we had bar-hopped through Girdwood, Alaska, a town of dinosaur scale spruce trees that take your breath away and Alaska variety hippies and quirky bars that served drinks, then served more drinks. I wish I could tell you that I woke with an inspiring list of goals and resolutions, full of motivation and energy to take into the new year but, the truth is, I woke up with a head ache. This didn’t help.

But the last 364 days didn’t help either.

2014 was a rollicking ride with ups and downs that grew steeper and deeper as the year went on until finally, a week before Thanksgiving came the news that brought us lower than we would ever want to imagine - my beautiful mother-in-law Mary collapsed and died.

Two weeks after planning his mother’s funeral (and delivering one of the most authentic, loving eulogies you will ever hear), my husband pulled together a perfectly-tailored surprise party for my 50^th birthday.   A glittery and gritty affair in a vacant, decrepit house (which we happen to own – that’s another blog) complete with life-sized birch trees, taxidermy draped in pearls, underwear stapled to the ceilings, shot-skis moving through the crowd of friends, and a plucky bluegrass band. The joy and love in the air that night was heart-warming, and it was one of the best moments of my life – of our life together.

And that was our year – dinosaur scale highs and lows.

2015 – Day 20. I haven’t resolved to do or be more of this, less of that. I’ve always held it up as an ideal, a thing to strive for, this idea that we should achieve balance in our lives. But now I’m not so sure. First of all, it sounds exhausting. And second, it sounds boring. That rollicking ride in 2014 showed me what it felt like to go all in, to move full-steam toward experience, life and love. We cried hard. We played hard. We did it together. We ended the year happy.

And you know what? I wouldn’t want this year to be any other way.